


Battles That She Faces

by EL1237



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies), Frozen - Anderson-Lopez & Lopez/Lee
Genre: Gen, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression, non-incest, romance is not the focus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25831891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EL1237/pseuds/EL1237
Summary: Thirteen years of isolation does damage to a person. Seen or otherwise, wounds surface eventually.
Relationships: Anna & Kristoff (Disney)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thebandragoness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebandragoness/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Frozen Wight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2601779) by [thebandragoness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebandragoness/pseuds/thebandragoness). 



> Disclaimer: I do not own Frozen or any of its characters.  
> I’m writing fanfiction again because why not procrastinate on other important things.

She collapsed to the floor, knees striking the light sapphire-tinted ice. Here, she was supposed to be safe. Free. _Happy_ even.

Then why?

Anxiety crept along like fingers of frost, gripping her shoulders and whispering in her ear. Animalistic fear ripped her from the inside, tearing her soul asunder. Grief haunted her lungs, squeezing until every last breath brought pain that echoed the agonizing constriction around her heart.

For the first time, she felt a semblance of the cold. How could she not? The only warmth in her life was extinguished.

_And it’s all your fault. You ruin everything. You hurt everyone._

Threading her fingers through blonde, wild hair, she tried in vain to smooth the unruly fringe of bangs. The severe and proper up-do her platinum locks had been fashioned into had long devolved into its current braid.

The ice palace in which she currently resided was deathly silent, save for the brutal roaring of wind and snow outside. The icy walls had completed their transition from a previously gemstone-like blue to a hellish red. 

Unable to remain upright any longer, she allowed her body to meet the ground as her vision all but faded. The lilting taunt of the voice returned with a vengeance. When she succeeded in silencing the poisonous thoughts, her mind turned to torturing her with sensations instead. Somehow, that was even worse than having words berate her. 

Harsh breaths scraped their way through her raw throat, and blinding panic melded with pain that drowned out all senses. The floor beneath seemed as fragile as her sanity. Her mind faintly registered the wet track a tear left across the bridge of her nose as it streaked across fair skin to join its twin in her hair.

From an outsider’s perspective, one would perhaps be torn on whether the scene was frightening or heartrending. Rooted in the ceiling, floors, and walls, thin icicles—lethally sharp—emerged. The longest extended past seven feet long while the shortest were similar to a forefinger. Each one, regardless of length, pointed inward at the figure situated within the heart of deadly spears.

Her powers were a force of nature, a mighty gift bestowed by the heavens. In action, they were nothing short of majestic, godly, and savagely beautiful. They held the colossal capability of blanketing the entire world in a pure layer of snow and humbling the hardiest of men.

But all of it was contained in a small, fragile girl. A girl that struggled to love herself, to accept herself, to forgive herself. A girl that encased herself with a nest of gleaming swords, scarcely able to move, and lying alone. She had barely come of age, and life had already broken her down.

The demonic, bloody hue casted its color over pale skin and hair. The mountain from which the castle sprung grew impossibly colder, forbidding and menacing.


	2. Chapter 2

Faint rays of the sunrise made their way into Elsa’s room through the window. Rising with the radiant star, she stretched in a feline manner before starting her day. Sliding off her covers, the queen of Arendelle padded to her adjoined bathroom.

Hesitantly, she looked into the mirror as she prepared to brush her teeth. Purple bruises marred her usually impeccable visage. Beyond the physical manifestations of her sleepless nights, Elsa felt a deep-seated unease.

'Is it really over now? Am I really fine?' she pondered.

She found similar questions looming over her quite often, as of late, and for good reason. The vast majority, save for a scant few, could not live through a decade of isolation, fear, and pain unscathed—and during their childhood no less.

Brushing her thoughts aside—as she did with her hair and teeth—she finished her morning habits with a cool bath and fresh ice dress. Though insignificant to many, the simple joy of bathing without freezing herself into the water elated Elsa. 'A small victory,' she told herself, one that would be gratefully received.

Leaving her sleeping quarters, the youthful monarch made for the dining hall in search of breakfast and Anna. The two siblings had become inseparable as sisters could get after years of estrangement; that is to say, they only left each other's side to sleep. Occasionally, even bedtime failed to pry the duo apart.

“Good morning! You look...wonderful?” a concerned redhead exclaimed. Her demeanor had gone from “giddy pup” to “worried mother bear” in a split-second.

“Good morning to you as well, dear sister. Why did you phrase that last sentence as a question? Do I truly look that awful?” Elsa teased as she seated herself.

“You look tired. But not horrible. You could never look horrible. Unless...never mind,” Anna mumbled half to herself. She then proceeded to filch and devour warm, baked goods at an astounding rate while standing: all the better to reach the croissants. In her typical fashion, Elsa followed suit by picking through her meal in a way that made most nobility look barbaric.

Finally sitting to the right of the queen, Anna plunked into her seat with enough force the cause the strip of bacon in her hand to bob comically. Her sibling eyed the still-flopping pork with amusement before regarding the princess with a quirked brow.

The princess stuck her nose in the air, “You eat like you’re in the queen’s presence. Honestly, if your back was any straighter—” Elsa chuckled demurely, “See! You even laugh all lady-like.”

Azure eyes twinkling with suppressed mirth, Elsa replied, “I am the queen. It would be unbecoming of me to not have flawless table etiquette.”

“So my table manners are ‘unbecoming’ of me?” Anna joked, using her fingers to air-quote.

Elsa deliberated with a tilt of her head, “Not so. I simply live under higher expectations. Your behavior is perfectly acceptable. Besides, it is just us two.” Anna smiled softly at her sister’s serious reply. It was just like her to answer a rhetorical question with depth and thought. After she nodded in agreement, the two continued their breakfast in silence for a while. The eldest proceeded to finish her eggs while the younger sister began on her fruit.

Delicately setting down her fork, the blonde woman said, “Why so early? The council meeting is at eight. It is only six-thirty to my knowledge,” Kai, her housekeeper nodded at the approximation.

Swallowing, the redhead returned, “I decided to go to bed earlier. I was tied up in a trade negotiation for a few hours. Weselton.” She then made a face appropriate for expressing disgust at someone who declared they enjoyed killing kittens.

“Duke of Dumbville McRodents had the audacity to ask for compensation in trade quotas and reparations!” Following her outraged exclamation, Anna stabbed a nearby strawberry with venom. Elsa arranged her features into what she hoped was affronted, but inwardly, guilt clouded her conscience.

_If you hadn’t frozen everything, Anna could have avoided such a meeting. Your people wouldn’t have to pay exorbitant taxes for your ineptitude—_

“So, I went to sleep at eight to get rid of the killer headache a certain duke and his representatives caused,” Anna finished with a huff.

The two siblings, upon their return to Arendelle Castle, had divided the gargantuan task of ruling a kingdom as sovereigns. 

Elsa—quiet, calm, and demure—fared well in the stuffy meetings she was trained for. Anything pertaining to sales, the year’s crop yield, and everything in between fell to her. She tackled issues on paper and settled disputes on dull subjects with grace and patience.

Anna—outspoken, energetic, and zestful—took on meetings where tempers flared and shouting matches ensued. She was highly capable in getting her point across all the being polite and liked by her officials. The ability was also contradictory when one saw her ruthlessness regarding decisions about the welfare of her nation’s being. 

Together, the two had an incredible dynamic that balanced each other out: Arendelle needed a monarch that was level-headed yet bold, an impossibility until the sibling duo. Incredibly competent in their respective areas, they were undefeatable when paired, as was expected.

“...Elsa? Elsa! Hello?” Anna canted her head, “If you keep internal monologuing for another minute you’re going to start drooling.” A sun-kissed hand dabbed the corner of red lips as a joke. The blonde jolted from her reverie into the present, smiling shyly before smoothing the invisible wrinkles of her dress. 

Finally full, Anna set down her silverware, “You can talk to me, okay? I’m here for you,” concern once again clouded her features. Reaching over, she gently placed her left hand on her sister’s right wrist.

“I know,” Elsa smiled, placing her own left hand on top of her sister’s, creating a sandwich of sorts. Tilting her head, her lips and eyes formed an expression best described as tender and fond. With a moment of hesitation, she pressed a light kiss to the red-haired royal’s temple, who reciprocated with an affectionate grin. Elsa rarely initiated contact, and this was progress.

“What is the time, Gerda?” the Queen queried to a maid in passing, nodding she turned to the princess after she received her answer, “Seven twenty, I’m off to the library. I have some notes to review before the Council shows up. I shall see you then?” Anna nodded her acquiescence and watched the young monarch depart with her usual sweeping elegance. She took her own leave and made for her chambers after her sister disappeared from sight.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic isn’t dead, I swear. I am.

Having gathered her own materials for the monthly meeting, Anna had spent the past fifteen minutes reviewing the newest concerns. Now, her mind turned toward other matter matters as she slowly ambled toward the meeting room situated two floors beneath her.

Gnawing worry of her older sibling drowned out the quick to and fro of the various staff. Since the initial joy that followed the “Great Thaw”, as it was dubbed, Elsa had thrown herself headfirst into her duties. Anyone over the age of three could sense the young queen’s crushing guilt and anxiety. In her way, she was atoning for her mistake by spending countless hours attending meeting after meeting and slaving over documents.

'Why can’t she care for herself just once, the headstrong martyr. Selfless and dedicated to a fault,' Anna shook her head. She found herself with the realization that the only person in Arendelle who thought her sister wasn’t trying hard enough was probably Elsa herself. Sighing heavily, she pushed the solid oak doors of the conference room open. Steeling herself, she prepared to enter the viper den of politics. Anything to help her obstinate sibling by sharing the burden.

***

“I’m glad we reworked that treaty, but does it take two hours for eight people to agree on sailing rights? Seriously.”

Smoothing her hair, the queen answered, “Well, we have now figured out the navy’s new patrol regions, who to ship our…”

“Okay. I understand,” the young princess cut in before the older woman ran with her tangent, “It was exasperating and still annoying regardless.” Sarcasm wasn’t Elsa’s strongest suit and the last thing Anna needed was a synopsis of the meeting she just attended.

Her blonde-haired sister allowed herself a laugh, “I concede your point. Will some tea, perhaps, interest you? We can have Gerda bring it to my study.” The ginger gave an agreeable nod and waited as the housekeeper maid was flagged down and given instructions for the kitchens. As they made their way into the spacious room occupied by a large desk and mountains of parchments, Anna paused.

“Do you rest at all? I-I think you’re working far too much,” she eyed the stacks of documents, and sitting atop the tallest one, the official seal. It looked tired.

A silvery brow raised, “Nonsense. I need to do my best for the kingdom. My mistakes and loss of control over my powers resulted in Arendelle’s suffering,” she strode toward her chair and settled into it, “I’ve raised taxes to fund reparations for damages I caused. Our people have already paid dearly with their crops, their livelihoods. This is the least I can do.”

With a hint of long-suffering exasperation, “Elsa, I know that our people didn’t exactly thrive with the winter, but you’re still not to blame. You’re twenty-one for goodness sake!”

“And old enough to take responsibility,” she squared her shoulders and sat straighter at the desk. Swiftly, she reached for the top paper of the nearest stack and began to read while uncorking a bottle of ink and reaching for a quill. Her sister followed her example, and pulled a chair over.

“You’re so hard on yourself, you know,” a slightly absent nod answered.

“How could I not be?”

Puffing out her cheeks, she flopped into the chair, “I suppose I’ll just have to stay by your side then, you stubborn, ice-making mule,” the monarch lowered her glasses and quirked her eyebrow at the dig, but smiled just the same. And that was enough for Anna. Elsa’s smiles were rare and reserved for a select few. Soon, Gerda arrived with tea and small pastries, and the heavy topic of Elsa’s work habits passed.

***

Hours later, with her day’s itinerary completed, Elsa took to the courtyard—but not for a break. Large and rectangular, the space was tended to by florists, farmers, and an array of other staff. A beautifully sculpted stone fountain gurgled contently at the center. In a wide opening, the young queen and her sister stood, the latter held a bow with an arrow nocked and aimed at a target. Elsa was situated off to the side, out of the arrow’s trajectory. Her hands glowed a powdery blue as she waited for the arrow.

This was an exercise of aim, control, and reflex for the blonde and a regular archery lesson for the redhead. Fearing another mishap with her powers, the young and already overburdened woman insisted on training daily at six to eight every evening.

 _Clack!_ Anna released the wooden shaft of the narrow and watched the feather fletching fly away from her. Elsa quickly conjured a wall of ice, stopping the projectile and causing it to ricochet to the left harmlessly. The target stayed untouched.

“You’re reacting faster!” the princess exclaimed in excitement, “It’s only been a few weeks.” A blonde head nodded with much more restraint, as nervousness caused sweat to bead at her brow. Crossbow bolts still made her shiver, so arrows were a far removed enough object to avoid sparking bad memories. Mostly.

The sisters continued the archery for a while before moving on. The elder sister constructed ice armor and a thin sword of her preference, blunting the edge and tempering the blade so that it would shatter on contact but hold through the most vicious of swings. Though her ice magic was ample protection, working on battle reflexes and gaining physical stamina and strength wouldn’t hurt. Kristoff would be proud upon his return at their progress.

Anna selected a sparring sword of her own from a small rack. The ice blade sheened a brilliant emerald at her touch and she smiled confidently. The trip to the North Mountain had made the redhead self-conscious about how physically inept she was. Now, she took horseback riding, hand-to-hand combat, and arms lessons from the royal guard.

The two warmed up on dummy soldiers before preparing to spar, slashing their customized practice swords into the stuffing. The sound of blades shattering and reforming in a second filled the courtyard.

“Ready?” the blonde prompted after armor and helmet checks were thoroughly made. A nod. Rolling her neck, she settled into a cat-like stance that her opponent mirrored. 

She lunged, slashing for her sister’s vulnerable left. Swift as the wind, the younger woman sidestepped and countered, only to be met with a _shwing!_ as the blades met. The two both leapt back, though Elsa to a lesser distance, allowing her to find an opening. She darted forward, platinum braid lashing, to jab at an exposed knee before hopping away nimbly. 

Her blue-tinged blade tinkled back together, signaling a pause. She tilted her head to ask if the younger woman was fine. She received a reassuring nod. If Anna was hurt, she didn’t show it.

They began again with the ginger advancing with increasingly aggressive blows; the younger woman forced her partner to parry desperately and retreat. 

_You got too cocky because you were winning. Now the tables have turned. Incompetent._

Gritting her teeth, she used everything in her to stave off the heavy strikes. Physical strength really wasn’t her forte, and it never had been. Distracted by the loud thoughts, she barely realized Anna had the blunt tip of her practice blade against her sternum.

The weapon was quickly withdrawn, “Are you alright? I got a little too enthusiastic there.” The older girl nodded numbly and swallowed nervously.

_You are nothing without the one thing that curses you. You can not even hope to match your sister in combat without magic. Pathetic excuse of a—_

“ _Elsa!”_ the monarch jolted heavily, “Goodness, you’re so absent-minded today.” The red-haired girl drew closer after re-racking her drill sword. 

Turning back around, she said quietly, “I wasn’t going to bring it up, but you’re worrying me, Elsa,” guilt crept the mentioned one’s conscience, “Look at you. Your eyes have bags under them. You haven’t slept properly in _weeks_.” Anna reached out slowly and held her siblings jaw at the corner, careful to be gentle. The young queen wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“Oomph—”

Anna crushed the taller blonde into a tight hug, trying to convey her emotions without words—words could never do the maelstrom of feelings any justice. Elsa responded, her own blade had long met the cobbled ground.

The two stayed in the position for several minutes, exchanging nothing but warmth and love.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doing some editing and trying to plan this story out. It's being difficult so this is the only tidbit I'm happy with putting out.

_ “I won’t push you, Els. Whenever you’re ready to talk about what’s bothering you, just find me. I’ll drop anything I’m doing, promise,” she let go of her elder sibling and held her at arms length. She had always remembered Elsa as so incredibly tall, regal and poised. Right now, she appeared so much younger and smaller, so unsure and embarrassed that she needed support. _

_ The queen simply nodded and stared shyly at the ground, unable to summon the courage to look up. Though Anna wasn’t voicing her worries, her concern was still so palpable it practically radiated off of her.  _

_ Slowly reaching forward as to not startle her, Anna smoothed back the loose, blonde fringe while speaking softly, “Talk to me when you’re ready. I want to hear you say you will.” _

_ A slightly pained expression crossed her face, but Elsa acquiesced, “I will seek you out when I am ready to speak.” Though her sister had respected her reticent nature, she wasn’t going to let her evade forever.  _

_ A pleased nod, “Thank you. Now, will you agree to take a little breather with me? I have chocolate…” The fail-safe bribe that had worked since childhood would surely-- _

_ “I shouldn’t. There are new terms of agreement that need reviewing from Corona because trade quotas have changed,” silence hung heavily as both sisters knew precisely why Arendelle would need more imports. It would be a long, tedious process to revise and send the amended copies between the two nations situated weeks apart by ship. Elsa would be cooped in her office for gods knows how long. _

_ A disappointed flash in her visage that fled as soon as it appeared, “No worries. I’ll wait till you’re done. I have a meeting with the teams that are planning the reconstruction to prepare for myself.” _

_ “Please,” her blue eyes looked on the verge of shattering, “Do not wait for me tonight. I will be late and you should rest as well.” She pulled back, out of the arms that always offered her comfort. With a wave of her hand, the ice blades returned to their racks and the soldier from a distance took his cue to store everything away for the evening.  _

_ With a last regretful look, she turned, ice armor dissolving into the wind as she all but fled to her office. Back to papers. Back to stability. _

Perhaps it was fortunate that two of the most obstinate people in the kingdom were siblings. As Elsa pulled away, Anna woud pull her back until she stayed. When Anna would be reckless, Elsa would remain collected in her logic until things resolved. Unfortunately, the first dynamic seemed much more prevalent.

The restless queen of Arendelle lay on her back, her sister’s words from earlier in the week echoing in her head.

‘I love you, Elsa. Do you know that?’ Concerned, like Anna hoped Elsa knew, but had the sinking suspicion that perhaps she didn’t. Her teal eyes had roved over her sibling’s expression, looking and looking for something.

If only Anna’s words were louder. 

_ Worthless. A waste of time. You should have died.  _

_ Monster. Demon. Witch.  _

_ Abusive. Leech. Toxic. _

‘I-I deserve love. Someone l-loves me!’ Elsa thought back. The rebuttal sounded unconvincing, even to her. High, chilling laughter responded. The silence following felt like the very darkness of her room was sneering at her.

_ Why would someone as pure as Anna love you? How could she possibly want anything to do with the likes of you? You’ve done nothing to help her, even when you had the power to stop your parents-- _

‘Enough!’ Elsa threw herself out of bed; the voice was strongest there and she refused to hear it any longer. Throwing open the door to her room, she startled the sentry down the hall in her war path to the library.

With the familiar creak of the old oak doors, she relaxed as the scent of old tomes and fresh documents inundated her nose. A warm feeling filled her as the serene fire crackled quietly in the grate.

Settling into her usual armchair, she curled into it and picked up where she had left off on a novel. 

The story was about a queen, utterly infatuated with her appearance. One day, she had found a mirror that could tell her all the secrets she desired, and so, she asked who the fairest woman in her lands was. When she had found that it wasn’t her, she had begun to hunt the various maidens the mirror had shown her. And here Elsa was, seeing the cunning mirror’s true intentions. 

The mirror had no benevolence the way the queen had no modesty. He sought men and women to kill for his sake, twisting their thoughts so that he could break his curse and become the wicked man he once was again. On that day, he would overshadow the hosts that had toiled for him, blinded by their ambitions and only seeing too late what they had wrought on the world.

Shivering slightly at the words in the book, it was only then that it occurred to Elsa: thriller novels weren’t entirely suitable for the late night. Picking up another story, she began reading a mind numbing romance to calm her racing heart before she heard laughter. Familiar, goosebump-raising laughter.

“Who goes there?” the book was set down with a dull  _ clump _ .

The fire looked a lot less merry and flickered rather alluringly, as if to tease. A little titter breathed through the mortar and bricks of the castle. Elsa shot to her feet, hands ready and feeling rather foolish as not a single guard had come. 

No one else was hearing what she was.

_ Are you scared? Little girl. _

“Show your face and come out of hiding, you coward,” whipping her head around, Elsa tried to find the source of the voice. Nothing stirred except for the fire, which continued to dance in the mantle.

_ That’s rich. I? Am the coward?  _ Disbelieving laughter, as if the voice couldn’t comprehend Elsa’s audacity. Some sort of dark humor must have appealed to the speaker as it continued to chuckle darkly. 

Elsa shrunk back a little at the laughter, curling into herself. Whoever it was always made her feel too small, not enough, and unworthy of anything that wasn’t punishment. The night seemed to amplify the power of the thoughts, something the hum of daytime muted to the point of bearable. 

_ So  _ brave  _ in the day, safe and sound. But the second the sun sets, you are little more than a scared child, running to bed to hide from her fears.  _ Threatening, predatory, and hypnotizing, like the pendulous swing of a bobbing snake, preparing to strike. 

Elsa’s heart pounded, her pulse thudding in her ears. By all logic, the roar of blood should have dulled the voice until it was inaudible, but it remained crystal clear. She shook her head, trying to clear the mess of thoughts, foreign and her own. 

_ Sleep. Retire to your chambers, little queen. _

Unable to distinguish any longer, Elsa gave in to her exhaustion. Yes, perhaps she should sleep. There was much to do tomorrow.

Opening the door to the library lethargically, she traversed the hall once more, back to her bedroom. When she opened the door and passed her mirror to collapse into bed, twin blue eyes and a reflection that wasn’t hers stared out, satisfied.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was envisioning this whole buildup and tension but I'm finding that it's really difficult to do well. I have essentially truncated the story to right before the breaking point and then the story from there. Slow-burn is so much more fun to read than to write lol.
> 
> Anyway, here's some more to this story. I want this one to be mostly done before I tackle "Your World and My World are Separate" again. Hopefully the plot is flowing smoother than I think it is. Let me know what you guys think!

When Elsa woke, it was to sunlight that was just beginning to grace the floor tranquilly. Birds sang softly and the distant ruffle of treetops hummed as white noise in the background. Her maids were not present, finally content to let her dress herself instead of sticking to the traditions of aiding monarch’s with their wardrobe.

It was peaceful.

So incredibly peaceful that it was a tad strange. Rubbing her eyes briefly and stretching, she wondered at the well-rested state she was in before beginning her day. 

In the washroom, the mirror showed an image at complete odds to what she felt. The shadows under her eyes were worse than ever, showing as a stark, violent purple in contrast with her pale skin. In fact, her blue eyes looked eerily like they were glowing. At one point, she swore they were. 

Eye bags or not, the kingdom did not await the queen’s trivial concerns, and thus, she began breakfast with an omelet and the first stack of documents for her long work day. Within a few minutes, her younger sister had shown up, smiling cheerily and greeting her in typical fashion.

“G’morning Els! How are you--did you sleep at all last night?” mostly typical for the recent weeks anyhow. An accusatory glare without any anger was directed at her.

The reading woman set down a quota proposal, “I slept excellent actually; I finished a little portion of my novel and went back to bed.” She looked up and started a little at her sibling’s expression.

“Uh huh,” suspicious turquoise eyes stayed trained on her, “Is that code for ‘I secretly did paperwork till the wee hours of the morn and none are the wiser’?” the younger royal shoved a forkful of pancakes into her waiting mouth. Her gaze expectant of an answer.

Blonde eyebrows raised, slightly hurt, “Why would I lie? Of course not.” Why didn’t Anna trust her? She _did_ sleep well. Her insomnia hadn’t bothered her at all, for the first time in ages.

“Your Majesty, we have received news from the Southern--should I give Her Highness and Your Majesty a moment?” Kai stood uncertainly by the table, seeming unsure of what to do. Concern for his superiors and whatever pressing issue he brought combated for priority.

With a tinge of irritation, “Nevermind me. Deliver the news.” Her emotions disappeared like a door slamming shut on the feelings; her queen facade took over. Kai began speaking reluctantly, quickly relaying information on the Southern Isles.

Anna opened her mouth to interrupt, to rectify the misinterpretation and miscommunication. Something hadn't come out right and something wasn't received right. But looking at the stony expression on Elsa's expression, she decided otherwise. Instead, she simply watched, an emotion she couldn’t place her finger on enveloping her. 

***

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Elsa, but Elsa had the tendency to react poorly to bad circumstances, taking extreme action that had the potential to cause harm in addition to the original concern. It really wasn’t the young queen’s fault; people were flawed, and she was no exception. But since she was powerful, wielding magic and her royal authority, the consequences were subsequently magnified when her emotions took control. No one had been able to expose her to things that everyone ought to know. There were many skills she never developed in the lonely isolation of her room. 

Poring over her notes for the upcoming meetings in the afternoon, the princess found it increasingly difficult to be invested in her calculations and figures, despite how important it would be. Many settlements were to be made, and she had been tasked with forging the new ties to the represented nations later in the day.

Math had always been Elsa’s thing. But since this morning, things had been a little tense. So she hadn’t asked for help, and crunched the numbers herself. When she realized for the umpteenth time that something didn’t add up quite right, she slammed her quill down, staring at the parchment that reflected the mess that was her headspace. 

‘What happened to us?’ They were just hugging yesterday, talking comfortably. She was comforting Elsa in the courtyard. She was encouraging her to talk to her if she needed help. She had done her best to not be so invasive. So what happened? Why had Elsa shut her doors again, even when the one to her room was open? Anna ran through every interaction she could recall, tracing the moments back to when she could have possibly slipped up. This process yielded results that didn’t come together, much like her calculations.

Rubbing her head, she groaned and leaned back. The onset of a tension headache made the figures on her documents blur dizzyingly. 

‘I wish you could just talk to me. I wish you would, even if you think you can’t.’

Setting aside the calculation papers, she wrote in filler numbers and set those aside for work later. She would get around to them in an hour or so.

***

Elsa sat at her table, back ramrod straight for fear of bad posture as she signed a stack of parchments off. Since they already had been read over thrice, all she had to do was sign. And sign. And sign. 

Her hand had to be falling off by now.

Contrary to what Anna had thought, she was actually a ways behind since she hadn't worked that late last night. Later, she would likely have to refer to the past decade’s annals and crop records to see what the nation typically needed. Afterwards, a conference. Then, a hearing. Then a meeting… If she could make it through the public announcement and the evening sparring match against her sister tonight, she would call it an excellently productive day.

Now to finish the one-foot pile over Atlanta’s adjusted tariffs on fish imports...

***

Men and women arrived in a small procession, each followed by a small security contingent. They were early, and so Anna had set aside her work to be a gracious host in her sister's stead. 

The meeting would be in a few minutes. In the time prior, she had greeted the dignitaries and began to network with them, hoping it would smooth the inevitable disputes that would arise. 

While discussing trifling matters of state, they enjoyed afternoon tea and cakes, speaking quietly amongst themselves before the official conference began. 

“Good evening, my lords and ladies. I thank you all for your attendance today from the respective countries you hail. Please, allow Arendelle to show the best hospitality she can offer while we discuss, and further the relations between our homelands,” Anna spoke clearly and confidently, smiling broadly at the open smiles directed toward her.

‘So far so good.’

And the meeting went under way.

***

It wasn’t going so well now.

“Your Highness, I do believe you cannot make such a claim without proper figures--”

Anna slammed a parchment down, “Your godsforsaken figures, _Lord_ Edwin. Don’t you dare usurp my authority again unless you desire to be removed from this council,” she intoned with a steely glint in her eyes, “Dismissed.” The men and women scattered eagerly, wanting nothing more than to be spared the princess’s rare wrath.

She breathed deeply and sat, holding her head in her hands. Hopefully, things would be better once she could see Elsa later today.

***

After their warm-up, the space rang with the sound of ice blades meeting. 

Anna pressed forward, having found momentum and an advantage when Elsa fell for a feint to her left. She swung downwards with a slash that was blocked, then quickly changed direction to jab at exposed ribs. 

A grunt signified that her strike had landed and the two stepped back to a check.

“Are you alright?” she asked. Serious, cobalt eyes zeroed in on her. A solemn nod. 

The two were about to resume when Kai hurried towards them, breathing heavily and holding papers.

“Your Majesty, Your Highness,” he puffed, “The dignitaries said the figures were clearly...fibbed. They didn’t match up with what was presented at the meeting and you had given them to Lord Edwin to appease the dissenting parties.”

Anna’s blood ran cold. She had forgotten to revise the calculations before the meeting began!

The monarch stood stock-still for a moment, processing before saying, “Thank you for informing us of this development. You are dismissed,” she nodded to the long-time butler for their family. He bowed and took his leave briskly. Once the man left and the pair were alone again, the blonde woman deflated from her regal stance. 

Elsa ran her left hand through agitated, blonde strands, “You knew how important that negotiation was. Why didn’t you run the figures by me if you were unsure?” She spoke softly, her tone betraying nothing. She strode to the rack and her sapphire-colored sword was placed back with a crystalline sound. The temperature was dropping slightly.

Desperately pleading with her sister, “I know it was important! I did and I just...I just messed it up because...I-I’m sorry.” She looked at the cobblestone dejectedly. How had she botched one of the biggest agreements they needed to settle? What would Arendelle do now?

Elsa took a deep breath and sighed, focusing her tired, azure eyes back on her co-ruler, “I have the feeling that you have been rather distracted as of late. Something is pulling you from your duties. Would you please disclose what is so absorbing that you would neglect duty?”

“I’m worried about you!” Earnest, teal eyes looked up to meet hers and Elsa’s reaction was a complete opposite to what she was anticipating.”

The queen snapped fiercely, her voice ringing through the training ground, “Anna I do not need fixing! I am not broken and I truly wish that you would quit meddling in affairs that do not concern you. I am your elder; I can handle my responsibility adequately without your entanglement,” quiet, simmering anger blazed in her eyes. 

‘How did this happen. Why is this happening,’ the crushing feeling of failure overcame the red-haired princess. She looked at the floor, guilt eating at her conscience. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I will be in my study. Please. Do not bother me for the evening. There is much to do,” Elsa’s voice had never been so cold.

The unspoken ‘In order to fix the mess you’ve made,’ echoed in Anna’s head. She opened her mouth to speak, only to realize her sister was already walking away. Away from her and into her study and closing the door. Her eyes stung. She turned and ran to her room, trying to hide tears before anyone else saw her humiliate herself more. 

***

Sobs shook her body uncontrollably as she crawled onto her bed and cuddled her pillow. 

All she had wanted to do was relieve Elsa of some of her burden, and all she had done was add to it. 

_Why be a superfluous spare? You could be more._

Alarm stemmed her tears and Anna went on guard, ‘Who’s there.’

 _A familiar. You need not worry._ The voice was an alluring purr, strangely soothing. Oddly, it reminded Anna of the deep-chested rumble Kristoff used when speaking to her gently, or the husky timbre Elsa had early in the morning. Yes, just like Elsa.

She snapped from it, ‘These aren’t my thoughts. I recognize what I think. Answer me; who are you?’

 _Someone who cares for you more than your sister does._ The voice spit angrily, practically seething on the word “sister”. _She does not deserve the love you give her. She merely casts it aside, petulant as a child bored of a toy. You were meant for something grander, something--_

‘I don’t care for anything grander. Leave me alone and leave anyone else you’re pestering alone. I love my sister and no one will sway my devotion to her and the ones I love,” her chest puffed fiercely, like an offended falcon, ‘So don’t bother trying.’

_So loyal. You could have so much better…_

The voice faded. 

Anna decided that she needed to talk to Elsa whenever her door opened again.

***

She had regretted the icy treatment she gave Anna the second she turned and left. It had been unnecessarily bitter and resentful. Nothing was as important to her than the lively, ginger-haired girl, and yet, she had allowed something as trivial as some agreement that could be mended with time, take precedence. 

_How far does your cruelty extend._

She placed the ledger on the nightstand absently. 

‘I didn’t mean it.’

 _She chases you to the North Mountain after you froze your kingdom, begging for forgiveness over something that was your fault. “I didn’t mean it.” Who the hell do you think you kid,_ Your Majesty _?_

The world hummed dully. Rather than a typical human’s field of vision, spanning over 180 degrees, it felt like Elsa could only see a small sliver. 

Lying on her bed, she didn’t have to act. No couriers and dignitaries to portray herself as powerful and exuding confidence. No staff around that necessitated she pretend that she was collected and calm. No Anna that she’d always fall short of being the perfect role model for. 

She didn’t have to be a queen or a sister here.

Her body ached, and she suspected that it had nothing to do with sparring at all.

The moonlight refracted off her mirror, light piercing to the back of her skull. The headache she had worsened by the minute and tears slipped unbidden into her pillow.

_How difficult is it for you to keep things together for a day? You are given the biggest blessing embodied and instead of cherishing the gifts you have, you shun them. You reject them and then you cry when she is hurt and withdraws. You inflict pain and expect people to crawl back to you. Sick. You’re sick and unworthy of anything ever given to you. You should have stayed in your room, and when you couldn’t even sit in a chair properly, you should have been locked into the dungeons. Out of the way. Not taking away all the joy that thousands of others deserve. Not being the selfish monster you are._

Elsa didn’t bother disputing her thoughts. They were true anyway. 

Her strength seeped out of her body, weakening her until she shivered with exhaustion. Closing her eyes, she fell asleep on her pillow full of liquid sorrow.

***

The walls of ice, usually Marshmallow’s comfortable dominion, seemed to close in. Pulsing shades of yellow and red, the light cast a lurid glow over every surface.

The powerful snow golem had nothing to fear. There was no animal and no force on the North Mountain that posed any threat to Marshmallow. Yet, visceral terror gripping him at night until he was paranoid for hours. He had demolished parts of the castle, all to prevent anything from sneaking up on him. It didn’t help much in easing the anxiety. 

The other day, his brother Olaf had visited. It had been nightfall and he was loath to leave his hiding spot. Instead, he had roared as loud as he dared, hoping it was enough to get the persistent knocker to leave. 

The door burst down a minute later, and a serious-looking Olaf tramped in. Wordlessly, he cradled the much smaller snowman and tried to calm down.


End file.
